Mother!!!! Being one is not easy. I dedicate this to my mother who I respect the most after I became one, and to all those lovely mothers out there who are going through all the hardships to be so-called “Perfect Mothers”. Believe me, there is nothing called being a perfect mother; rather be a good one to your kid. Damn! No one else knows your kid better than you do.
My journey to motherhood
I thought becoming a mother is just like cutting into a piece of cake. No man!! It is not and for me, this was a hard journey an emotional journey. Rounds of a failed pregnancy, there were times where we thought we would not have kids anymore. Every month post my periodic cycle I would expect these so-called “two pink lines” and find out the opposite, this continues until I get my next cycle and my dustbin would pile up with tons of pregnancy test kits by then. What annoyed me most as women were people questioning your womanhood when you are going through all this hell! My heart would shout inside, damn!!! I would put a knife through you and then you would know my real womanhood. Guess what! The only thing you can do is smile even if you are burning inside.
With all these dramas in life going on, we took a decision to start with treatment to have a baby and we decided if this does not work, we would adopt one. Then started the treatment rounds and like said before rounds of testing the “Pink Lines” started again tadaaaa! Months of negative results and during this journey I lost my father which shattered me and I stayed away from everyone. I wanted to be left alone and just cry and cry for days as I was very attached to my dad and couldn’t accept that he isn’t with me for the rest of my life’s journey I wanted to do and share many things with him. I really miss you
dada every bit of my breath, my eyes are wet when I write this. The flow of motherhood has turned a bit to fatherhood right. I wanted to share this because this happened in my journey to motherhood. In addition, days after this incident, out of nowhere I tested positive for pregnancy. I was happy but sad that the person I wanted to tell this first was missing; he would have been heads on the heel. I said to him dada your little girl is going to be a mom can you believe it! This was my journey towards motherhood.
The pregnancy challenges
Motherhood challenges and complexities start from the day you conceive and this is where you really start appreciating your own mother. You scare yourself to death every time you sit in front of a radiologist for your scanning reports. You find unwanted solutions to your pregnancy dilemmas from the Baba “Internet” and those solutions make you paranoid than you already are. “Internet baba,” says you are in your 5th month, your baby would start dancing in your large belly, and there you go oh my god! Something is wrong with my baby she is not moving and my belly is not large too, I want to go to the doctor now.
My dear lovely women every person is different every pregnancy is different internet solutions are just generalized things it is not necessary every bit of it happens the same with you, so just relax. Control your emotional health by doing things you love to and enjoy your pregnancy because it is important not only for you but also for the fetus growing inside you that will grow up into an individual.
With all these dilemmas and struggles you push your baby or tear yourself to birth and when you look into the little twinkling eyes all your pain seems gone. Whatever way you choose to give birth, women you are amazing.
The baby blues or the postpartum depression
The most difficult phase of motherhood starts here, as soon as the baby arrives begins your sleepless nights, rounds of feeding. You start having this so-called baby blues, what if something happens to my baby, will I roll upon my baby while I am asleep, will the bed sheet fall on her face and she becomes breathless and what not. I personally have gone through this and my “Mother” was the one who gave me all the support in not losing hope and sink down in.
This most difficult process, it’s very easy to lose hope in these situations and you need to talk to someone who could help you out of it. Another big reason for postpartum depression is the societal pressure and stress full environment. People give you different advice and remedies for how to handle your kid, what is most annoying is they criticize all the ways you follow to handle your baby. You know what, fuck’em you know your babies need just go with your motherly instincts and not with some random tayiji-buaji (home) remedies. I am a mother of 4 years old and this has not stopped even now, what you can do best in these situations is just be the mother to your kid. It just needs your love and care.
Real Motherhood Challenges
Every mother has her own challenges raising her child. These challenges are never going to stop, when you think you have overcome a hurdle in your kid’s life she gives you a new challenge and it is never-ending hahaha. You will be on this hurdle race forever, so just go with the flow “run these races to finish, not winning”. You fail, as a mother when you look for perfection, being imperfect is perfect in motherhood. Take genuine advice at times of need from a very close friend or I would say your own mother rest all is just piece of shit.
My house is a mess but filled with love, I drench out at times but I just look into the little eyes and it just melts me. Kids are annoying and arrogant at times but always remember they love you the most. This love is the purest. Just cuddle them into your arms; your arms are their world.
A Mommy’s little Advice
To all lovely mommies out there, do not get lost in motherhood. It is part of life do not forget to live for yourself you deserve it. Pamper yourself, go out with friends, laugh, sing, and dance do what makes you happy all this will give you time to heal from regrets you have in motherhood.
Lastly mamma I love you and respect you and all mothers for who you are because I never knew you have gone through all this until I became a mother.
This post is written by Kavitha Kaviraj. Follow The Mood Recipes for more blogs.