“I am free today, free from everything. With every restriction and boundary of this world, I am free. Only your love kept me together, kept me intact, kept me here in this world, on earth because you are my world.
I have fallen in love with you from the first time I have seen you and your eyes. Those eyes always had something in them which pulls me towards you. I didn’t know the meaning of love. I didn’t know how it feels to be loved, how it feels to be with someone, to make someone your world. I felt it after meeting you, seeing you. I never understood these emotions in me before you. You became my world, my everything.
Every time you held me, locked me in your arms I felt the safest. I knew nothing can hurt me in my safe place, nothing could take me away from you. Locked in your arms and listening to your heartbeat is my peace. I could never imagine staying away from these arms, staying away from this heart. Your eyes are my world. I love you. I love the way you smell; I love the way you talk; I love the way you even get angry at me. I love everything about you, I love you with my whole heart and life. I am yours. I have surrendered myself to you.
I have never imagined this life without you. You always wanted me to be strong for whatever happens. I tried to be strong, I became strong too but I still have that emotional part in me, which is you. It’s been 12 years since I have known you and been 4 years since we have been apart; I still love you. I still want you. I know I shouldn’t because you are married to someone else. But I can’t help it. I want you or nothing.
You have doubted me, despised me, questioned my character, you even punished me without my fault, I have taken everything, just so I don’t lose you. I don’t want to lose you. I am still not ready. My heart still beats for you and I know it will beat for you and only you till my last breath. I loved you and I always will. I have always been faithful to you. I know you didn’t trust me, but I have never ever looked at anyone else apart from you. I still don’t. But you left me listening to someone else’s lie. You didn’t believe me. You hurt me, but I still loved you and hoped that you will be back one day, that you will understand, that you will know the truth. But you didn’t.
I tried going on with this life, without you, but it’s too hard for me, too painful. I know you always told me to control my emotions. I am tired, I am trying till now. But I don’t think so I can anymore. I fulfilled all my responsibilities to my family, the responsibility of being a daughter, being a sister, and a friend too. You always wanted me to be responsible. I have been and I have done everything. Everyone is happy… you see, Only I am not. Now it’s time for me to make myself happy and keep myself in peace and make free.
In our last meeting, you called me a spoiler of your life. I didn’t want that. I always wanted you to be happy. I don’t want to spoil anything for you. You also told me that you love me. I knew it. I have always known it. But nothing can be done now. You belong to someone else. I wish you would have trusted me then, listened to me once, Just once. But don’t worry… everything is going to be ok. Everyone is going to be ok. I will not spoil anything for anyone, anymore. Just remember, I have loved you with all my heart and have always been faithful to you, till my last breath.
Goodbye, darling. I love you.”
This is the e-mail Ethan has received from Tracy. He is confused after reading this. What happened? Why did she say Goodbye? She never says that. And what did she mean by “been faithful to you till my last breath”…? Should he call her once? Should he check up on her once? He surely loves her till now, he knew that Tracy can’t cheat on him. He should have believed in his heart and in his love, not in someone else.
“Tracy”- Shocked and relieved. “Ohh thank God you are fine. Your email made me so confused and worried about you. Why did you say such things? Why did you say Goodbye?”
He was looking at her. She is looking beautiful today. She is standing near the window of her study. Looking so calm and peaceful. Those eyes, he missed them so much. That look in her eyes, that love, he has never felt or seen that in other eyes. He craves for it too. He knows that leaving her is the biggest mistake of his life. He loves her and she does too. He just wants to hug her again. But his wife is at home. Hold on… how did she come in?
“How did you come in?”
“Your door was open. I didn’t knock and check myself in. Don’t worry I will go away. No one will see me. I just came to see you once again. Came to tell you that I still love you and I will always. Came to see your eyes once again. Came to see my world for the last time.”
“Why are you talking like this? What happened?”
“Nothing darling. Be happy always and remember you have been loved. It’s time for me to go. Take care, my love”
“Wait… when will I see you again?”
She smiled and looked deep into his eyes, but did not say anything. After a few seconds she said “I love you” and turned toward the door. She was moving so smoothly as if she was gliding not walking. He was mesmerized by her looks today. There is a different aura in her today. He kept looking at the door she walked out from until his wife’s head popped up from the door to call him to bed.
He switched off his laptop and turned off the lights then went to bed. He was still thinking about Tracy. Imagining his life with her. How she used to press her ears on his chest to listen to his heartbeat. How she used to look at him with those innocent eyes and ask if he will love him always and how she used to say that she can never be without him, that she can’t live without him. He fell asleep with these thoughts in his mind.
He had a good sleep. The next morning while taking his morning tea, he was surfing through Facebook, where he came across a post from a common friend, which states …
“You will be always missed; we will always love you. I wish you would have spoken to us before taking this step. I wish I could help you in some way. Losing you is a big loss in life that can’t be fulfilled by anyone. I don’t know what troubled your beautiful soul to take this decision. I wish to go back to last evening and save you. But I hope you are in a happy place now. Rest in Peace Tracy…” and after that, there is a smiling picture of Tracy looking straight into your eyes.