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Shout out to everyone who survived there own suicidal thoughts this year! And yes that Is an exclamation mark. We are survivors, and this world isn’t easy to live in. There is hurt, pain, anger, sadness and it can fill your mind with grief. How do I know this? I have been there. I have made a total of 5 suicide attempts on my own life because I thought I did not deserve to live anymore. It’s been almost 2 years since my last attempt.
Suicide is a hard subject for most people to talk about and there are many people going through it. Thoughts of suicide are usually the last resort when someone has burned through there options and just c.an not hold on any longer. That’s how it was for me. I was living in a place where I did not feel welcome and there was no way of getting out of the situation.
I was living with my mom and everything seemed like pure destruction everywhere I turned. We had no relationship at all and I was basically there because I had nowhere to go. I did everything and they (my step-dad) did nothing. I was juggling everything and school. There was no time to take care of my mental health.
Depression set in and symptoms from my bipolar disorder began to show. Soon, my mind was out of control and I was out of control. I didn’t know who or what to believe in. I heard voices telling me to give up and that it, that I was not worth all of this. This went on for months and many people tried to help me but at this point it was no use.
I was suppose to go see my therapist the day it happened, Instead I locked my self in the bathroom and overdosed on five full bottles of my medication. I remember banging on the bathroom door and then sort of waking up in an ambulance. I was lucky I survived because my heart stopped several times.
Yes, suicide is hard to deal with and It can be hard to talk to someone who has suicidal thoughts or tenancies. I just want you to know that you are not alone.
Here is a helpful article on suicide prevention.
The post was originally published for the blog SimplyChristian and it is written here by our guest writer and friend Victoria.