“We can’t be together. My parents won’t agree to it because of our different castes!”
There was a silence. Deep silence. The silence that I am scared of. I was reclining on a chair in a weekend afternoon facing the west sky when there was none at my home. The sunset descended like a curtain call, an orange luminous mist spread across the city skyline, like distracted scenery of a child’s acrylic. It fell on the flowers and the concrete like fluorescent rain, soaking the tip of the tallest skyscrapers. The darkness of the silence was prevailing that lingered in my eyes, tangled my heart like ancient cobwebs. I was staring at the setting sun, holding on to the remnants of my heartbeat. A diary where I scribble about you was on my lap waiting to be written on. I look upwards on the ceiling. The fan seemed tired of everything. “We can’t be together, let’s drift away”!
Echoed. Screamed. Reverberated.
It’s been 3 months we don’t talk to each other for the sake of the family. We’re trying to make ourselves happy posting several pictures and memes. We’re working on not showing the void in our hearts. We do want to share everything again, like before. Stopping ourselves to do it just because we may fall in love once more, the zillion times. Ain’t we in love now? Doesn’t he love me just because we have not spoken to each other for a long time? Has he left me? Won’t we be together again? Am I replaced? Won’t I be able to kiss him like the way I used to do? Can’t I hold his hand to put a mark of lipstick on his white shirt? I closed my eyes and heaved a sigh.
“No, you can’t give up. Life is a chess. Play back”, my inner self pricked me. I re-read the old conversation where the love emoji still was beating. It showed ‘online’. I typed 20 things but his “Fuck out of my life” pulled my finger back before hitting the send button. I know his anger can touch any of the levels but some words inculcate so deep that even if you try to pull it up, it leaves a mark there for the lifetime.
Our silence has become deafening and claustrophobic. I kept my eyes glued to a distant rooftop where the shadow of the sun was being seen vividly.
I want to wake up next to you on a dusky afternoon like this. The weight of your legs intertwined mine. Your messy hair, morning breath, your eyelids flutter under the weight of your dreams. I will touch the edge of your lips with my finger and you’ll smile and will lick it softly. The sun outside will not really need to set since it will find its home in the dimples of your cheeks. I will kiss your sleepy face. I will caress you all over cuddling you with my arms. The world can wait at our bedroom door. If the sun shines on you too hard, I promise to stand in its way, burn myself and keep you in my shade safe.
I want to open the door for you everyday when you’ll come back from office. I want to be your that ‘Go to person’ whom you will be angry with, upset and love unconditionally. I will sit beside you everyday to hear you bantering about your nosy boss. I will thank that girl who broke your heart long back for being so stupid to leave you. I will be running my fingers through your hair until you fall asleep. I will kiss on your forehead to thank you to be with me. I swear, every single day, you will find me beside you sleeping. I will do those everything that you love. If I ever miss out, correct me there. I want every good thing in the world happen for you only.
Door bell rang!! Or the reality smacked!!
I know it is painful for you to stay robust when the world is crashing down. I know your heart is bursting out your chest if you see me online at late night. I know you want to have a peal of laughter with me in a tea-stall. I know you’re scared of coming back to me! I understand everything, my love. But what if we fight against all the odds and win? What if we speak our heart out to the families and stick to our decision to be together? What if we cross all the barriers? What if we say that we’re in love head over heels? Won’t we be having the best days that we dreamt of together in a moonlit night? Won’t we make it possible to be in each other’s arms while witnessing the beauty of Himachal?
Listen, I know they have told you that you won’t be happy with me. But you know better what is worth fighting for! You know how much I love you. You know how far I can go for you. You know how many limits I can break for you. I neither ask for stars nor a diamond ring. I just want you to look at me and never look away. I only want you to tell me “Fight it on. I will be there with you until we die” whenever I feel like giving up. Let us go far proving our love in front of the world bashing the CASTE SYSTEM! Say once that you’ll be there always loving me so hard how exactly you do now or more than it. Surprise me with your fierce loyalty in each second.
What I pray for always, I had scribed on your palm a long back that “Be mine Everyday”!Whoever has told that loving one person for the whole life is a mundane,
Well I am sorry!
They haven’t met YOU AND ME.