Wednesday February 20, 2019

What after the happy ending?

What after the happy ending?
What after the magic fades in your relationship?
What after your achievement of getting the dream girl?

Hello Everyone,

People who is or was in a relationship will be able to connect to what I am saying. While it’s great to have someone to love and adore, it is great to share all the feelings and emotion with someone else, who is interested to listen and in the same time a very integral part of us. Yes, I am talking about the person we love, and we are really contributing a lot in the relationship. What happens after we get into a relationship and the magic is no longer alive? What happens after the magic fades?

Let’s dig deeper to see what happens next, which the main stream movie, stories or novel won’t let you think of.

Loss of Physical Attraction: Physical intimacy means a lot in the relationship, especially when it is a long term one. We tend to lose the physical interest when we are together for a long time. There could be multiple reason for the same: First being, there is nothing left to explore, Secondly, we are not ready for experimenting, as we will try it TOMORROW (we all know, the real meaning of tomorrow and when it is coming).

Loss of own space or identity: We keep changing ourselves, according to our partner’s preferences, which is a good thing, but we forget the basic fact, that our partner fell in love with the person which was initially there not the updated version of us. In this whole process, we lose our real identity. Our self-consciousness becomes active and it promotes the issues in the partner, resulting in further issues and dissolving the charm and magic, we are talking about.

The attitude of I don’t care: We are very particular about our jobs are done, and we make sure, that it is done perfectly. We outsource the job to our partner, to complete it and we fight if there is any issue with the job being done, and when we are talking about a long-term relationship this happens quite often, and it pisses off our partner, after all they are human being. Once the fights are part of our routine, we just don’t care, and our energy for trying to sort out things, takes a big hit.

Common interests: As much as we explore each other, we discover that there is not-so-much in common what we can talk or do, let it be in terms of watching a tv series together or a match, you will always be able to see a gap between. This gap keeps increasing as the time passes, because we are unable to figure out what’s the issue, and what is wrong or missing in our part, that needs to be done to fix it?

The relatable factor degrades: Previously whatever you saw or heard the family conversation or the issues, it seemed very engaging and relatable with your life, but now nothing is relatable. Suddenly everything changes, not suddenly but after a period of time. You get irritated as soon as she starts sharing her problems or any other issues. It seems that all the issues are related to our partner only, Everyone else seems to be fine.

Mood swings: Yeah, I know you guys understood my point. We all have it within us, more or less. We don’t care about that, but just try to think it from your partners point of view. He/She gets really hurt, when there is a bad mood from the partner. We all know how much it hurts when our loved ones reacts rude with us. It becomes a part of the routine, when we talk about a long term relationship.

Insecurities: We all have our own complex and dark insecurities, which are very personal and it stays with us. Whenever our partner meets some one or the other from the other sex, we can see the effect in our mind. We get restless and worried thinking about millions of possibilities., where-abouts and what-ifs theory.

You will be able to relate all this post, after you’ve been in a long-term relationship. I understand how painful it is while going through this phase of life and how it affects our professional life as well. Let me point out some of the points, that how we can bring back the charm, it’s not possible to make it completely new, but there is no harm in trying to repair the charm, we once had it in the beginning of the relationship.

Physical intimacy is really important: In a long-term relationship, people tend to loose interest as the sex becomes monotonous and a part of routine. To overcome that, experiment with the new possibilities. Try new positions or try something which they want you to. You already have the answer in your head, go ahead and try. You never know, how magically it may work.

Talk about the issues and insecurities: We all have our own versions of insecurities and issues with our partners, and it is completely fine to talk about it. If you have problems with your partner talking to someone, let them know. If any of their actions hurt you, tell him not to. Whatever and however the situation might look, there’s always a way to talk it out. Lets talk and resolve it, or at least try to resolve it.

Remove the gender-based roles and responsibilities: We hear it a lot of times that he is a boy, he should take the initiative; she is a girl, she should do the grocery and dishes. Ask yourself: are we really in 2019?
If we are equally dividing the finances, why are we not dividing everything among us? My suggestion would be go ahead and nail it. Nail the issue which is taking away the juice out of the relationship.

Speak out: We tend to assume things, we assume that our partners are magicians and they will understand everything we think, because previously it was like that. My dear friend, the previous issues were like what you love to eat, where you love to hang out. But the later issues, are somewhat complicated like deep insecurities and needs. Every individual is unique, and the needs changes from time to time. The only way to cope up with the things are to speak out. Don’t hesitate or don’t think twice before speaking your heart out. I know the ego is the gate keeper, which creates a barrier (not male-ego, unisex-ego is something I am talking about).

Flirt with them, the same way you did to win her: This might sound a bit cheesy and kiddish, but do one thing: just close your eyes and think about the first time he/she flirted. Your smile is the witness, that the situation was never like this and it can still be repaired. Occasional and healthy flirt with your own partner is always cherry at the top. Just try it.

Burn your ego/grudges this new year: I have written a complete post covering this point. Please read it here. Hold your grudges and ego clashes with the ones you hate, not the ones whom you love so dearly. Show them how their actions are wrong and what needs to be rectified, and your partner will take care of it. Don’t let ego eat up your long-term relationship.

Take your fighting gloves off: We love to win. We never loose. But let’s not apply this in our relationship. We are talking about the person whom we love. If they did something wrong, explain them their mistakes, if they don’t try to understand the point of view, try again with different approach and some other time. Please don’t involve in revenge techniques, it will hurt the relationship very deep.

Stop the blame game: We never do anything wrong and it is never our mistake. Whenever there’s an issue, the complete fault is of our partner’s. right? You both keep doing the same thing, and it ultimately results in spreading you both apart. Let’s correct what is our fault, and try to explain our part, they will automatically correct their part, but in these scenarios, our Mighty Ego comes into picture, asking Why me? Why every time I am the one to take the initiative. Let me answer that for you: because you love her more and you are matured than her.

These are the most common issues that comes into the picture when the magic/spark of the relationship is gone, and I have also noted down some of the best practices to bring back the charm in the relationship.

Of you would like to add a point in here or add any other point of view which I have missed, Feel free to comment your thoughts and suggestions in the comment section below. If you like the post, please share it with your friends and loved ones.

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27 Comments

  1. It’s easy to love someone when you have butterflies in your stomach. After a year or more the new love is mostly gone, and then you need to make a decision if you want to work for your relationship or not. Because the fact is, keeping a relationship is hard work. It’s almost like a full time job. Of course there are some bad and good days in it. For some reason love is hard.. I like your post and it definitely help me out a bit in understanding the parts of how to keep it interesting.

  2. This was indeed a relatable post. I think this is normal once you have been together a long time. One thing that has pulled me through is love and knowing you dont want anyone else. It takes work and not giving up but I think if you love your partner, it will work out in the end.

  3. This is good. I’ve been together with my husband for almost 8 years and married almost 6. We have two young kids now and it’s hard to get back to the dating stage. It’s hard to take the time to put the work in but it’s important. Thank you for sharing this.

  4. One of the key point …keep your gadgets away and concentrate on what your partner is trying to express when he/she is around …😉
    Appreciate your hard work.. Keep going ❤️

  5. Love is a commitment. Although it might have been started from a romantic love, the more years we are together, the respect and love for each other should remain. Everything can be achieved if we have God at the center.

  6. It’s natural in a long term relationship to go through ebbs and flows. I feel with my partner, though, our relationship is deeper and richer now as a result of everything we’ve been through together. What’s important, though, is taking the time to do things together like running, watching movies, etc. When we get busy, those things can fall to the wayside, but personally I think it’s important to make spending time together a priority and also work on your goals together, which has the added benefit of helping you to reach your goals faster by adding an accountability factor!

  7. I think communication is key, it’s always good to make sure that both are on the same page and avoid misunderstandings which ultimately will cause conflict.

  8. Most of the relationships because of wrong decisions, miss understandings, lack of communication, changed priorities, busy work schedule and many other factors. If you love someone truly and want to spend entire life with them then it is very important to make them feel special and cared.

Lets have a meaningful conversation..

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