Hello friends, welcome back to the mood recipes.
Most of us in this life faced criticism on the way we look, or we dress, or we laugh or on our weight. Yes, Body shaming, or looking shaming is a common issue which most of us have faced because we are born with some flaws.
I believe no one is responsible for their birth neither their looks nor genetic factors that they inherit and turn out to be a flaw in that person.
Okay, who determines black skin color is a flaw, or being over-weight is a flaw, or being an average looking person is a flaw?
Those insecure people who feel great by putting others down, not by their achievements or hard work or intellect or knowledge, by them, believes that the other person can only be dominated or frozen by hitting at the soft corner, the flaw(s) he or she carries.
I will give you certain examples on how intentionally or un-intentionally we face such criticisms and how it effects our physiology.> I have a very close friend, she is one of those rarest people on earth with such a pure innocent heart. She is fair, has thick long hair, normal height as per Indian standard. The only flaw she has, she is obese. No that is not a flaw, she suffers from some hormonal issues, she is reluctant to hit gym, she loves food and enjoying life. She believes spending quality time is better than hitting gym. Also, she has many responsibilities at home.
It completely depends on her what she wants from her life, but the reason why I mentioned about her is because, she was beaten by her father for being over-weight.
Yes, can you believe that? Her parents want her to get married and started match fixing. This is something people from developed country will never face or understand.
Each boy or man, who came to see this girl, rejected her, because of her weight. Even though the guy was healthy he needs “a perfect lady in dining hall, a chef in kitchen and a whore on bed”.
So, the match fixer told her father, to arrange for dowry or ask her to cut down good 30 kilos. That night she was slapped by her father, because she said, “I want someone who will accept me just the way I am “. And you know what her father replied while slapping her , “ No one will spit on you “ , in hindi “ Koi tujhpe thukega bhi nei”.Oh, the story does not end here, her mother added, do not hit her on the face, that is the only thing she has, if that also gets damaged she will die on our heads.
She cried a lot and after few days left home.> Another story, I know every one of us may have hundreds, but these are those stories that I can never ever in my life forget till my brain stops functioning.
An average looking girl, and a really handsome good-looking guy started dating and then the story of love, rolling over to marriage discussion, and a break-up.
In the span of this relationship, the girl was criticized multiple times for being average looking, having facial hairs (guys this is normal don’t make fun of women for this), dark skin shade, getting sun tanned putting on weight and looking odd in dresses.
And while having the break up discussion the guy threw on her face, “don’t believe you will get series of boys after your coz you are not good-looking / appealing”.
She also cried a lot and after few days left the guy (that handsome guy who attracts bold beautiful girls like magnets). I will not site any further stories rather, I am sure guys have also faced many such humiliating incidents where they are being criticized for their color, weight, looks etc. Feel free to comment.
I will now pen down some of my observations on why some people feel body shaming, look shaming is cool. We have a saying in hindi : Pehle darshan dhari baad mey goon bichari. This means human brain recognizes beauty first, then analyses the quality. For ages, be it western or Indian culture, beauty and looks are given priority over quality. Even Indian history pictured “Padmavati” the beauty for whom Rajas/ Kings used to fight to win her.
Those kings were not aware of her bravery only had one thing in mind, that BEAUTY.
Hence, it is quite obvious that, when a girl is getting married in a developing country like India, surely the groom’s side will talk about her looks first. Then come to her qualities and qualifications.
This is the reason my friend was slapped by her father as he was taunted by other people of his generation as his daughter was not getting married for being over-weight.
Psychology plays a critical role here:
Let’s say you are really handsome guy who can get girls by a simple whistle or you are a born beauty picture perfect skin tone, shape, hair and smile.
Since their childhood, they are said by their peers, family members that you can get any girl or any guy just like that. They are always the center of attraction, for any kid-party, family get-together. (surely there are expectations but for some time put that aside and try relating to this). That’s when they unknowingly develop a sense that they are superior to many / most of others. That’s when they stop working on other aspects of life, which is quality, knowledge, being truthful but not being rude, mutual respect and many more.
This is the reason, that girl who was told by her ex-boyfriend, “you are not good looking, and you will not get guys standing in line”, faced that look shaming.
The guy had a pre-defined notion that he is doing pity on a girl who is average looking by staying with her, even though he has multiple other options to be with the most bold and beautiful girls of dating apps.
Since these people work less on themselves and their own personality, quality, intellect, whenever they face a win lose situation they bombard with the last weapon they have, criticism and humiliation on looks and body, just to turn it to a win-win situation and break the confidence of the other.
The first thing what you should do, is to maintain distance from such people who has somehow or the other made you feel low, humiliated for the way you look or talk or weigh.
Do not take their words so seriously, if that affects you, work on that flaw. I know there are certain things that cannot be changed, like genetic factors, but only can be improvised.
If you are strong enough, improvise to be a better version of yourself, but do not lose your identity.
Read books on human psychology, turn that pain into motivation, meditate or just ignore and party hard. Be happy, that’s the best way to be the most attractive person out there.
Once again guys, be happy, that’s the best way to be the most attractive person out there.
Until next time, keep smiling…
This post is written by Amrita Paul. Follow The Mood Recipes for more blog posts and articles.