Wednesday February 20, 2019

Verbally Abusive Relationship? Ehh..?

Hello Everyone,

Welcome back to themoodrecipes,

Abuse comes in many forms, not all of which are physical. When someone repeatedly uses words to demean, frighten, or control someone, it’s considered verbal abuse. Emotional and verbal abuse may begin suddenly. Some people may start out behaving normally and then begin abuse after a relationship is established. Some people may purposefully give a lot of love and attention, including compliments and requests to see you often, in the beginning of a relationship.

The Personality of an Abuser: It is very easy to identify someone abusive in others relationship, but its very hard when we are part of it. There are some typical personality traits, which you can easily identify by analyzing the other person, the most common traits are: bossy, controlling,

As we all know, this is a very complicated and vast topic, we tried to cover as much as possible, please feel free to add your points down in the comment section below. Some of the examples of this kind of relationship are:

Just kidding: The abuser will hit will you very deep and hard and later they will justify their action calling it a prank or a joke, you will be the one emotionally left out and feeling bad about it. The actions are very strong, and it will ruin your whole day. You will see different forms of criticism coming towards you in a disguise of a joke. Be very careful of this smart tactic, and make sure you are taking necessary steps to avoid them at all costs.

Criticizing/Undermining: Being open to criticism is a very good thing, it helps us become a better person, but let me tell you there is a small difference in criticizing someone in a healthy way and abusing someone verbally. You will be put down at every possible situation, and in every small thing. “I am better” attitude will reflect on the other at his face. You will see the quantity and quality has increased to a large extent. Most of the time you will see s/he will be busy criticizing your actions, behaviors and every small thing that you do.

Playing the blame game or to be specific “accusing”: You will be responsible for everything bad happening in their life, be it small or big, whatever the issue is you will be responsible for everything. You are being accused for every small thing, and mostly the wrong or bad thing, otherwise, it will be a compliment for you.

Gaslighting: In simple language it’s an advanced form of manipulation in a relationship. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that slowly eats away at your ability to make judgments.  Essentially, a Gaslighter spins their negative, harmful or destructive words and actions in their favor. This is often done by making you feel “overly sensitive,” “paranoid,”, “silly,” “unhinged,” and many other names and other ways which will cause you to doubt yourself.

Name-calling: Calling names like sweetheart, dear, love may add value to the relationship or it looks sweet, but what if names like dumb, ugly, stupid. By verbally stating “you are bad” in some form or the other, a partner can control and hold power over the other person’s sense of self-worth. It really feels bad, and we stop our own self, making ourselves understand that there must be some issues with me, which is the reason, s/he is doing so. If you feel so, ask yourself: you are the same person, once the other one was crazy about, so why suddenly I am bad?

Ignoring your opinions and ideas: You will never find your suggestions and ideas are implemented, because it has been ignored in the first time. If not in front of your face, you will find it ignored in your partners mind. You will never see him taking your opinions seriously, initially which may appear to be normal, but slowly and steadily, you will discover this as a character threat.

Pointing out your mistakes constantly: We all point at one another’s mistake, it’s a normal human behavior. When someone is appointed for a full time job for pointing your mistakes, it’s called a abuse (by the way, I didn’t intend your manager ). It becomes irritating when someone constantly does that, we keep quiet only for a reason, that we have commitments and we really love the other person.

Threats: You will be threatened at every step, which may/may not include physical threats. They will threat you about leaving you alone and other kinds, which will make you weak. Please be very careful about all these threats, and it should not be treated lightly or casually.

Being Bossy: S/he will be ordering you all the time around. It may be some small domestic work or something bigger, you will see the other person enjoying their time, while you are busy working for them, not once but at every noticeable instance.

What you can do if you’re being verbally abused?

Point finger on their abusive behavior: Say it on their face, speak up. Tell them that this is wrong, and you are absolutely against it. Tell them to stop blaming you for everything, and the things that you are not responsible for.

Avoid the situation as much as possible: I know it is not possible to avoid everything that the abuser does but try to avoid things which may hurt you as much as possible. Go for a walk/drive, just try to get out of the situation, and talk to them when things turn to normal.

Remove yourself from the abusive relationship if possible: If nothing works, and your partner continues to behave in the same abusive manner, you must take it the hard way, there’s no other option. Before taking any step, stop and analyze your current position. If possible consult someone for better opinion whom you trust.

Please let us know your thoughts and suggestions in the comment section below. If you were able to relate to the article, feel free to share this article.

Have a good day everyone.

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50 Comments

  1. This is a really thoughtful blog I read after a long time. I completely relate to this and you have aptly mentioned all the features.

  2. Oh my such an important topic. And so important for other people to read it. I think often people don’t know they’re being abused great read

  3. A topic that needs highlighting more, so well done for doing so. I’ve been there myself, and agree with what you’ve written.

  4. This is a very important topic! A lot of people don’t think it is abuse if you aren’t being physically hit but words and actions can be just as big of an abusive behavior.

  5. Removing yourself from the situation is so important. It’s also good if you have people in your corner supporting you and encouraging you and just being there for you to help you out of the situation.

  6. This is really well thought out and an eye opener for a lot of people. Sometimes we don’t realize the abuse that we are under (or even sometimes causing). It’s important to take time to notice the little things that can hurt. Its also really important to start learning to think before you speak (especially if you are one of those ‘kidders’).

  7. Some of the things on this post are really true, but no body think deep on it, once you open the eye. Well done.

  8. Most of the times people fail to recognize what is happening with them. If the abuse is coming from loved ones they think that it’s a form of love! This awareness is required. One should learn to recognize such incidents. To stand up or refuse courage is equally important.

  9. I’ve been a victim of abuse and I now know the signs. Thank you for sharing, most can only recognise the signs once they learn them.

  10. Thank you for highlighting this. Some people may not realize that they are in an abusive relationship, or maybe they know and they are just in denial. People should be aware of those signs (as you’ve mentioned) and what to do. It’s about time we put high value on ourselves, respect ourselves, and maintain our dignity and integrity,.

  11. I really appreciated this post, especially your section on “just kidding”. So many times people who are actual abusers or really just rude will try to justify their actions by calling it a joke when it is not.

  12. This is a good post and reminder. Once we tolerate an abusive act and we did nothing, it will continue and would be hard to solve.

  13. You did an excellent job of outlining abusive behavior in relationships and how important it is to put a stop to it. No excuses…walk away.

  14. Very insightful post. I think people don’t talk about this subject enough and maybe it’s a form of denial that they don’t want to see or hear about. Your post is a great topic!

  15. Thank you for addressing a very important topic. Hopefully this will help someone in a difficult situation get the help they need.

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