We meet so many people today who believe it’s okay to say what they want and do what they feel even if it means hurting someone else’s sentiments. “I’m just saying how I feel..” is the most commonly used phrase all across the world right now.
We’ve always been taught in school that “Honesty is the best policy”. There have been times when only your closest friends or family members have been brutally honest with you. It’s quite safe to say that people who care about you will tell you the truth or give you an honest opinion, even when it hurts. But if someone does not want you to be hurt, they’ll discuss their opinion with you rather than spitting it on your face. On the other hand, we also come across people who go out of their way to hurt you and be mean in the name of being “honest”. They do not realize that there’s a huge difference between being honest and being insensitive towards people. Sometimes it also depends on the other person’s behaviour that might lead you to give them an insensitive reply.
I’ll share a personal experience here about a colleague who always used to complain about her manager mistreating her and her annoying flatmate. I felt really bad for her and I advised her to move to a different apartment if she was unable to get along with her roomie but she never moved. Though she had multiple options lined up. Apart from that, I felt bad about her always being frustrated with her manager not treating her correctly so I tried arranging for some interviews for her with better companies but she never attended. After a certain point, this actually got me annoyed because all she did was crib about everything but never made any efforts from her end to improve the situation. Finally it went to a point when I stopped caring. One day when she came over and started her stories about how she was not given a proper break in between her shift and how her roomie keeps the apartment untidy, I directly told her to get lost as I wasn’t bothered about it because she never did anything about her problems apart from telling everyone about it. So sometimes, its people’s behaviour and attitude which gets annoying and you end up being rude.
I always hear people saying, “I’m just being honest here..” and then they follow that up with something extremely offensive. Even on the Social Media, people boast about how they’re “blunt” and proud of it. Personally, I have been that sort of a guy as well and I’m not at all proud of it. I never had a filter between my brain and my mouth and I’ve said extremely harsh and horrific things to people not realizing how badly it affected them. That brings me to a very important point here which I realized later and that is “Being honest does not give you an excuse to be rude or insensitive towards people”. It does not give you a free pass to tear other people’s hearts down and then play it off as if you’re an admirable person for your own honesty. Some people also do it because they think its funny but it is not.
I’ve also heard people say “I’ve said what was on everyone’s mind” as an excuse for being insensitive. I’m sorry to let them know that just because you thought that everyone else was thinking what you were thinking doesn’t mean that it’s okay to say it out loud. You’re not doing anyone a favor by doing so. The reality is, you do not care how you talk to people because you only care about yourself. You don’t consider how your words might affect someone else because you only think about yourself. If you think that you can say anything you want under the disguise of calling it honesty then you’re a totally ridiculous person and no one literally likes you. Being honest does not mean “brutally honest” and it does not at all mean being Mean.
“Being honest” with someone actually means being respectful. Think about the other person before you think about yourself. Think about what you’re about to say before saying it and then maybe do not say it if it might hurt someone. I’m not saying you have to babysit others and their feelings, but there’s no reason to intentionally be insensitive especially when the other person is someone whom you’re close with. What comes out of your mouth might build up your relationship with that person or destroy it right away. Being Insensitive and rude is also a type of Violence. I have been made to realize about my behaviour off late and I started working on it which was quite simple. So now if someone asks me for an advise, I just wait for a moment and think before I give a reply and I have seen the difference. I see my friends interacting more with me in regards to their problems.
Recently one of my friends who is a romantic idiot asked me “Why do you think I’m not getting a girlfriend?”
I would have directly said “Cos you look like a freakin’ despo you fat fuck!” but that would have ended our friendship. If not now then later.
So I just sat with him and explained him things that he should change about his behaviour and also work on his physical appearance. He took the advise and started working on them.
We all have our own opinions about everything that people say. What we all need to realize is that not each and every opinion needs to be shared, and not everyone has to know exactly what we are thinking. Words can be hurtful and just because sharing your opinion will make you feel better doesn’t mean that it’s going to do any good for anyone else. Some people only live so that they can be hurtful while saying they’re just “being real with you..” However they’re not aware of the fact that Honesty does have a filter and cruelty doesn’t.