“One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving”- Paulo Coelho.
After few years from now, when we will be staying together, I’ll watch him closely. I’ll notice him fumbling the clothes at the men’s section, unable to decide what color suits his fair complexion. I’ll stand behind him in front of the mirror when he’ll put on a shirt that will slightly reveal the tiny bulge in his tummy. I’ll follow the lack of confidence in his gaze, as he will look at me for approval. I’ll tell him it fits him perfectly and will hug him to say that he looks always perfect. I’ll watch his eyes light up in pride, in confidence.
I’ll listen to him, when we’ll be out on a tea-date and he will be blabbering on and on about why he lost the FIFA game to his brother. Even if I won’t understand a word he would say, even if it’ll not be my cup of tea I’ll listen to him as he’ll talk about the things he loves. I’ll come home and secretly download the FIFA, will wake him up at midnight just so we can play together. I will witness him cry like a ten-year-old when someone hurts. I’ll never forget the child I have seen, trapped in a man’s body.
I’ll wake him up with liquor tea and fried potatoes. I’ll quietly get into bed beside him, run my fingers through his messy hair. Will watch him sleep like a baby, tired of a society that constantly tells him to ‘be a man.’ I’ll wrap over him pulling him close to my bosom and will kiss his forehead and eyes to let him know that he is safe here. I know that my arms are his haven, that he fights the whole world, every day, only to come home to me. I’ll trace my fingers on his untrimmed cheeks. I’ll notice how he’ll hug me tightly, smiling in his sleep. I’ll screenshot that smile, will save it in a corner of my heart.
I will give him the space he needs. I’ll understand when he will tell that he wants to go home back on Saturdays instead of going out with me. If he loves his family more than me, I will let him do that because I am in love with his everything head over heels! I will adore his imperfections perfectly. I’ll understand his terrible mood swings, screaming at odd hours. I’ll pamper him more even after the sharp words of him that will sting me like a dart in my heart. Because I know whoever he is, he loves me fiercely. It’s just that he’s a bit taciturn and reticent in nature than others.
I’ll stand by him in his worst days. I know that he is not as strong as he pretends to be. I’ll join him with a cup of tea, when he will be standing alone in the balcony at 2am. I’ll hold him when he will be breaking down in my arms, falling apart… sobbing so violently that I would think he might die. I know that he is not weak for crying in front of me, that he trusts me more than he trusts himself, to show me his most vulnerable side. Even when he tries to run away, I’ll take on his demons all by himself, hold on to him. And won’t let him go. Dare to hurt him in front of me! Dare once!
I’ll kiss him hard..hard enough to make him forget the things he doesn’t want to remember. I’ll grip him with all my strength. I’ll trace my fingers down in his spine, trace it all the way down so that I can feel his skin shiver. I’ll place my lips on him so gently and will make love till we forget why do we need to breathe! I’ll rip his clothes off, let him feed on me like a hungry wolf. I’ll bruise him, dig my nails into his back, will take control of him, will let him control me! I’ll pull him closer, closer, closest!…I’ll let his teeth sink into my neck and as he will move inside me slowly, softly, looking into his eyes, I will tell him that I love him! I love him a lot! I love him even more than he can imagine! Even more than he can dream! He is mine, completely mine. I will feel him breathing on my neck. I will ask him not to go gentle with me when he will move in and move out. Screaming.. Moaning.. The sound of flesh against flesh.. Our demons will make love on those white sheets. I will cuddle him so tightly that his heartbeats will meet mine. All the misunderstandings will flow away! I won’t let them break us again, crash our lives once more! I will tell him that he doesn’t have to run anymore. I’ll tell him that he is my home. He is the prayer of not only the shooting stars, but daily. I would pray to die first so that I needn’t have to stay a single day without him. He is my inhaler that I can’t breathe without! He is my Panacea. He is my EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING…