As far as Rachita remembers, it was 4’o clock in the morning. A chilly wintry morning, she was in her deep sleep with all the love and warmth of her quilt. Her phone beeped. Definitely, she is not a person to wake up hearing a 3 sec tone! Messages came in a row. 20 messages unseen. Finally, the call came! In a winter morning around 5’o clock, nothing is more painful than to rise for an unknown reason. Opening her eyes with all her strength left, Rachita took the call.
– I don’t know how to make it! I am tired, dude. I can’t take it anymore.
– What’s wrong Vasundhara?
Rachita sat up on her bed. Vasundhara’s voice was enough to let her sleep go. They are friends from childhood and know each other more than anyone can ever get to know them. Rachita knew that Vasundhara must have a sudden emotional breakdown.
– I think I will not be able to stay with Subho. I need to end it.
– What the hell is wrong with you baby? You’re tigress. Don’t let your hopes go down. You can do it I know. Have patience baby. Calm down.
– How Rachita? How? It’s been 3 years that Subho is out of that toxic relationship and I have been there for him from the first. Nothing is left that I could have done to make him feel good. I really am at a loss to think about how to make move on! How to make him forget all the worst that had happened to him! I am fucking tired Rachita.. fucking tired.
Before she could finish her sentence, she started howling horribly. Vasundhara had no idea how can she make Subho, his childhood love, realize and feel her love. She couldn’t bear with this unsaid pain, his cold nature, indifferent behaviors had made things worse for her to bear.
– Vasundhara, stop crying. It won’t help you.
– What should I do? Tell me. Like what should be the right thing? How to handle it? Can’t he understand my situation? Or is he playing with my emotions? Everything thing has a limit Rachita. I am a human and I also have some expectations no?
– I completely agree but before you can allow yourself to love a man who has long forgotten what it is to be loved, you should consider running away.
– What do you mean? Did you just support him?
– I am not at all supporting him Vasundhara. But I am gone through the same phase and I know what it exactly feels like. He won’t come with subtitles, so it’s not going to be easy, I assure you.. to love a man who has been in love before, known betrayal, known the feeling of being left, stranded in the middle of the road. He already saw that he meant nothing to the woman, who used to mean the world to him. So save yourself from the heartbreak and run away, because he doesn’t need you.
– What are you saying today Rachu? Why does he not need me? He knows it very well how important he is to me! How does he not need me?
Vasundhara was crying like hell. She couldn’t control it listening to all those hard truths of Rachita. But she didn’t stop. She knew it that her best friend can fight the battle of love and for that, she needs to hear the very very unpleasant truth.
– Vasu, he has learned to not need anyone else, to not depend, or confide, nor rely on another soul. He doesn’t want anyone to fix his sharp, broken edges. He doesn’t seek happiness anymore, because he equates happiness with stagnation. Stagnation bores him. He doesn’t believe in settling down, so if you think he is selfish, you’re probably right. He doesn’t need your shoulder to cry on, he is used to picking himself up from the floor when the weight of his past knocks him down. Because guess what, “men don’t cry.” Isn’t it? When you finally gather the courage to tell him that you have fallen in love with him, he is going to want to run like the way he is doing now. He wants to leave because he is afraid that you too, like the girl before you, will eventually leave. He just wants to leave before only he is left. But please, be patient with him. Hold his hand when he walks away, you need to pull him close and tell him that he is worth fighting for. He won’t believe you, of course. He has heard these words before, only to see them lose their meaning. Please, be patient.
Learn to respect his independence but make him realize that not everyone is going to hurt him. Try to understand why he never wanted to take this beyond friendship. Allow him to be vulnerable in front of you. Try to decode why he never wanted anything more than no-strings-attached. He is afraid of strings, because he is familiar with the pain that comes when those strings were ripped out of his heart. Guess what? Beneath those layers of nonchalant indifference, he does have a heart.. a battered, barely beating one.
Rachita could only hear the sobbing. She understood, somewhat, the words are penetrating Vasundhara’s soul but she’s mature enough to realize every inch of the words. Rachita got up from his bed and took her secret diary where she writes her heart out. She was turning the pages over and in March 19, she stopped. “I WILL NEVER LEAVE”! She ran her fingers on the same quote for 10 times and rubbing a glistening water in a corner of her beautiful eyes, she continued,
– Don’t preach everlasting love, don’t give him words of comfort. Don’t promise forever, he doesn’t believe in promises anymore Vasu. Instead, be a friend to him, not just a girlfriend. Trace the scars on his wrist when he is lying next to you, staring at the ceiling, like the past two hours of insane lovemaking was nothing more than a casual fuck. Trace those scars and show him that they don’t hurt anymore. Do you see the ghosts of his past lurking in his eyes, when he looks at you, unblinking? He has kept them locked inside him for far too long. It’s easier for him that way, to lock his demons behind a closed door rather than facing them.
He will doubt your sincerity, second guess you. As ironic as it sounds, the things you do to him, someone before you has already done the same. Only to take it all away. But please, don’t give up on him just yet. He has drowned to the point where he firmly believes that he doesn’t deserve to be loved. Because underneath that cold demeanor, the hard exterior of a man who doesn’t give a fuck about the world, there is an insecure little boy desperately reaching out for help. It’s okay if you choose to pass him by. You don’t have to burden yourself with the baggage that he carries on his weary shoulders. It’s okay if you wish to be another irrelevant fleeting second in his solo journey, once he will eventually forget. Don’t worry. He can survive without you.
There was no reply, no sound of crying. Rachita kept saying,
– But trust me when I say this, if you stay, it will be worth it. Believe me, when I say this when he finally learns to trust you, he will love you with a ferocity that will leave you questioning the definition of love itself. He will stand by you through storms and sunshine alike because he will never forget what you did for him when nobody was there by his side. He will make every day so magical that life will never ever be the same again. He will be forever grateful to you because you are his second chance. Because you taught him how to live, not just survive.. and that is perhaps, the best form of love that you can come across in a lifetime. So question yourself, if you fall in love with a man who doesn’t love himself, you should consider running away. But if you wish to stay, are you willing to treat him the way he deserves to be treated, appreciate his flaws and love him in such a way that makes him wonder that maybe, just maybe, he can give love a second chance??
– Vasu?? I know you’ve heard everything carefully. Please think it twice.
– I love him more than I love myself, Rachu.
– I know baby and that’s why I want you to win. Love him so hard that every shattered piece of him will be together and there will be no sign of scratch. Paint it well.
– Smile now!
– Get lost and meet me around 6 in the evening.
Disconnecting the call, Rachita looked at the clock. It’s been 2.5 hours. She opened the windows. The sun rays fell on her dusty diary on the bed. It seemed so bright as if it was new. Rachita smiled. She knew love can happen twice if it’s fiercely true.. She knew it will happen. She knew every good thing in the world will happen one day…