I came back home. Tired and lost. Changed to my shorts. Trying to relax. All I want is sleep.
4 weeks continuously working with a minimum sleep of 3-4 hours every day. Too much work pressure. Lesser payout. Do we all go through this?
But these 4 weeks it has been something different. I have been doing this job for 4 years now and I’m quite used to these lifestyles. So WORK is not the main reason for me. I get 7-8 hours of time where I can sleep with peace but something always struck me. Like whenever I’m trying to close my eyes – my mind flashes a picture. A picture of a girl with whom I was living for the last 1.5 years. I can’t sleep because I can see her everywhere. I can hear her voice, her tone of saying things and that cute smile.
Is it the case – when someone is not there with you… Then you start to understand the actual value….. Who she/he was…!! For me, that is for sure. I miss her and I accept the fact. But I also believe missing someone does not really mean that you will just go and meet with the other person and get back together… Of course not.
If a mirror is broken, you cannot put it back without the scars.
Now it’s your decision if you want to live with the scars of that mirror or you don’t want to put the broken mirror together.
My choice – I don’t want to put the broken mirror back again. I don’t want her back.
And all I want is to sleep. Every night I just scream to myself silently – SLEEP.
From Dusk till Dawn I just talk with myself, my mind does not stop thinking. Writing quotes, Hindi Shayari, poems, blogs, etc- that’s how I pass my time these nights rather than thinking about someone and wasting my time. Although it’s always mixed feelings. Everything that I’m doing right now includes her. Trying my best to get rid of her presence. But I fail. I fail in accepting the fact that I’m over her. I always try to explain to myself that my life should go on without her as well.
I don’t want to insult the other person. She was correct in each and everything. It’s just that – I was not compatible with her.
I was the one who made false promises, bad judgments, did not give her my time, etc and I accept it.
When a person is right – they shout in public that he/she was right and the other person was wrong. In my case, I was wrong and I accept it. I was the one with all the mixed feelings, two minds, cruel nature, and whatnot. I have confessed it directly to her as well but I don’t know how to get her out of the pain. Maybe that’s the only reason why I’m unable to sleep for 4 weeks now.
I know you are also awake on the other side,
I know you are also alone at some other site.
I know – you and I could not be us,
I know you also want to be with me on the same bus.
I cannot explain anything better than this,
I am living my life with a huge risk.
I know saying sorry will not be enough,
I know all those moments were worthless.
I know everything to you is now meaningless,
I know you are angry with me.
I know whatever was thought we could not be,
I know I could not understand whatever you tried to show me.
I know I never listened to things which you explained to me,
I know that I’m sorry and I am also awake in this midnight just the way you are.
but you also know I won’t come back to you,
you also know I won’t say a single ‘hi’ to you
because I am not the one who will always abide,
I know you are also awake on the other side.
With this blog, I just wanted to share my thoughts and to let everyone know that we need to accept our fault /failure as well. This was my Mood Recipe. Let’s see how my life goes ahead. Till then take care and goodbye. (This post was written at 03:00 AM when I was unable to sleep)