Dear My Forever Love,
It was striking 3am in the clock when I woke up and sat on my bed. I could feel the tears rolling down and was having extreme nausea. I wanted to rush towards the washroom, but I was too weak to stand even! I wanted to talk to you once! Just once! At least do let me cry! At least do hear my blabbering! Do tell me once that you are feeling the same! Tell me that you miss me! Tell me that I am the last one you’re going to be with! Tell me that all the love you have is only mine! Tell me that your heart beats for me only! Tell me once that you can’t be living without me! Tell me that you wanna see me once! Tell me not to leave! Tell me to talk to you! Tell me these everything!
I was profusely crying in deep silence. My lungs were getting out and I cramped the bed sheet in my fists and looking at the ceiling, I kept crying. I wanted to puke, I wanted to call my parents to save me, I wanted to call you to hear your voice just for once, but I had no choice left. I was alone. I was all alone stranding at the middle of the night.
I checked the phone if I could see a message of yours! May be a “Ki krcho” or an “Ooii”. I went inside the gallery and started scrolling down. I found an old photograph of you, amidst the countless drafts and scripts that clogged my gallery. I found you where you were wearing my favorite t-shirt and made a face of my mostly used emoji! I stopped and stared for a while.
My heart tiptoed out of my chest, like a child in the middle of the night. I laid my dying heart down on the floor, in search of your scent, the perfume you wear! I kissed the photograph again and again, probably in the hope of getting your touch once! Just once!
Smiling. Recalling years back!
It all started a long years ago. I never knew that a classmate would be a hell lot important. People say that love comes when you’re expecting it hardly. I knew that something would happen, and I never knew that you would’ve the grip over everything!
You’re hope, you’re confidence, you’re unpredictable, you’re painful, you’re my life! To precise, you’re everything. You can make me feel like I’m in the cloud nine. You make me understand how does love feel! You’re a volcano and you’re a still water. You’re a kid at times and you’re my life-guard in another blink. You’re the last human being on the earth whom I can talk rubbish stuffs to and you still will laugh at my PJs.
I left the idea of loving the hardest when I came to a relationship with you! You can piss me off as well as you can get me out from every mental breakdown in a wink! A single call of you can make me smile in a way that feels that I’m the luckiest girl in the universe living till now. I never bother to be weak, vulnerable, sulky, abusive, immodest, straight forward, kid, mature, loving in front of you!
I cry shamelessly over phone but still you’ve managed to wipe the tears staying 200 miles apart. I’m an open book to you whose pages are written about you! I don’t want any medicine to recover, I want a glance of you smiling looking at me. Trust me, I would even overcome the death! Keeping the eyes closed, when I hug you, it feels like an invisible positive vibe is stitching my broken parts with caresses. I can feel you breathing, I can hear you laughing, I can smell you, I can understand your every silence! You give ocean of pain but still I would love to have my heart broken by the person I have ever loved the most!I hold you even tighter when I know that I must let you go! You’re my treasure that is worthy enough to fight for. I never quit from those things that are mine, only mine! Always when you’ve left, it rips off the soul. You’ve always pulled me closer, the closest! I need you in every way! I even want to die before you so that I needn’t live a single day without you not having by my side! You’re a fiery flame where I would never mind burning at all.
The journey might not be easy but whenever you will touch my fingers just to remind me that you’re there, I will go hundred crores far more than your imagination.
You’re magic, you’re life that I want to live for! I know I’ve never been an easy girlfriend to be with!
I HAVE LOVED YOU more than you do to yourself, more than I do to myself! Beyond your imagination. Beyond every possible dream! No matter what happens!
I may not be a perfect girlfriend, I had tortured you in many ways. I cry, I shout, I yell but I have given my every bit of love to make you happy, to keep you safe, here at my left side! All what have mattered to me is ONLY YOU. I can’t recall a single day when I have passed a temple and didn’t ask for ‘Keep us together forever, I need nothing.’
My trust will work! It will answer. True love has a habit of coming back and I have faith on you. I miss our dates, I miss our late night conversations, I miss our pictures, I miss our fights, I miss our cha-meets, I miss our phone calls, I miss our laughter, I miss the palm-writings, I miss annoying you, biting you for no reason, leaving mark on your white shirts, punching you, adoring you, disturbing you while in office. I miss our everything. I miss you love. I miss US fiercely!
It is the hardest to be without you! I have been praying daily to get everything again! What about our Himachal visit? How will we do roof top things? What about the nights? What about our plans to Coorg? How will we do the Durga puja at home? How will we dance like mads? How will we exchange t-shirts and watches? I can’t make all this happen without you na? Come back soon na!! Don’t make it a long one! Don’t misunderstand, Don’t LEAVE! Embrace me once with all your strength covering tightly with your safe-arms and fix my shattered broken pieces!“I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU!!” It echoes for some hours next! I was continuously sobbing and checking all your pictures and I can’t remember the exact time when I went off to sleep with the gallery open clinging to my bosom.
It was already another day, with full of hope. I was getting ready for office and left home.
I caught a bus where a girl was talking to somebody over phone and she seemed very grouchy. I don’t know what I was thinking and after a while, I heard that girl telling someone “I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU. I DON’T FEEL LIKE” and hung up!!! I turned my face towards the window and gazed at the sky!
City never stops, life goes on!! I plugged the headphone into my ears and closed the eyes…
The music that was playing behind rightly said so…But I’ll keep loving you
I want you to know
I’m not perfect, so
I’m a rolling stone
But I’ll keep loving you
For the rest of my life
I promise that I, I’ll keep loving you
I, I’ll stand by your side
And promise that I, I’ll keep loving you….