I recently came through an article from a very famous blog Thought Catalog. “Date Someone Who Thinks Your Clinginess Is Cute” written by Holly Riordan. I respectfully disagree with this statement.
The moment when the term “clingy” comes to a relationship, automatically it turns out to be something forceful or burden. We are social beings, we all love to be around people, especially the loved ones. The difference between loving and clinging is very well defined and clear.
Recently I saw a girl showing of the extreme level of clinginess as a sign of love and women empowerment. Stop promoting every anxiety issue in the name of Feminism. It is neither empowering the movement, nor helping the person suffering from it. You are not taking care of your loved one but scaring and suffocating the hell out of your partner. It will just be a matter of some time, years, where you will lose your complete importance and self-respect.
We all have come across one single person, who is very clingy. Not everyone is born that way, however there are many reasons, why the person behaves like that.
So, I know I hate when you call me endless times a day just to remind me that I should eat properly. I remember when I was crying in front of you and you gave me a hug (I am sorry, but I don’t like hugging people) I know you care about me. Thank you so much for that! I truly appreciate it, but don’t you think it’s just got a little bit overboard? You are an amazing friend when it comes to friendship. But there are borders and spaces for every single one. Don’t worry, you are still my friend. But sometimes, when I am upset, I need myself. Not a shoulder to cry on.
Temporary clinginess may be caused by many incidents, some of the common reasons are:
Recent heartbreak: If your close or best friend had a breakup recently, there is a high chance that they will need someone to talk to and share the feelings. While supporting the friend, we get very close to them, which makes them think that they may have all the time that they need.
Relocation: We all need new friends when we relocate to a new place. Sometimes people become too emotionally dependent on the new person, which creates problems for the other one. They don’t care about the personal plans of the other person, all they need is a company for themselves to keep up the busy schedule, apart from that, none of it matters.
Losing a best friend: Losing best friend is one of the most common reason for a person to become clingy. We all are emotionally very attached to our best friend, when suddenly s/he moves away, there is a high chance that people might need someone to fill up that void space.
Personal loss from someone’s death: This is also a common reason why people becomes clingy. They already went through a lot after losing a loved one. So, they just want to avoid that situation one more time by pulling the person closer who is available and near to them.
There are many other reasons for which a person behaves clingy, but these are the most common situations and incidents, which leads to temporary clinginess. However, we should set our boundaries without hurting them emotionally.
Here are some of the ways, you can try as starters:
Stop planning everything together, respect their space. Sometimes, we ourselves invite the clingy person so close, that they start to think everything is about them. So, we need to give them some space, maybe there are reasons for which you want to support them but crossing the line may not be the best option here. As no one will be with the other one for the entire lifetime, we need to leave them alone for some time, so that they start learning to deal with their own issues.
Be honest about your feelings. Just let them know what you feel, without being rude and insensitive. Discuss it with them, if you need any further space, they are not your enemy so they will understand, and I hope this will make things a little bit better.
Don’t respond to the emails/texts/calls all the time. If the other person is calling multiple times, without any proper reasons, just to pass time, there’s no importance in answering them each time. You don’t have to clear your schedule to take calls from your best friend. Take your own time to return the calls or texts if it comes multiple times during short intervals.
Help them become a part of a friend circles, new friends, new situations. Maybe they are not having any other friends or group to hangout with. Introduce them to your friends cycle and other people/situations, which will help them build new relations. This will help both of you to come out of the clingy situation.
To the clingy best friend, inseparable-lovers, partners please try the following options:
Keep the damn phone down: In this new era of smartphones and power banks, we know that battery stays a longer time, that doesn’t mean, you will have to GPS track all the time and interrogate and harass your partner. Please note, Calling or messaging your loved ones all the time, doesn’t mean you love very much.
Get a hobby: Everyone needs a hobby to keep themselves busy, it could be anything, painting, singing dancing, watching Netflix, watching porn, etc., etc. There are innumerable number of things, that you can do without connecting to any other people. Its not that the other person does care, but you need to make sure that you are not ruining their personal space.
Let your partner breathe: Do not keep your partner busy all the time or asking about their whereabouts. A person, who is a cheater, will be a cheater, no matter how much surveillance you put in. Just because you promised your partner to take care doesn’t mean you will have to suffocate him every time, just give him some space to breathe.
Build your confidence and self-esteem. You always have a fear of being replaced, or inferior complex, which needs to be worked upon. Start working on your flaws and improve on every aspect possible. You can do things on your own, without anyone’s help. Once you start finishing businesses on your own, you will naturally be less clingy.
There are more than 5 billion people in the world. Apart from your better-half/best friend, there are other people around you, whom you can talk to or hang out with. Just give them some space, don’t worry, your better half or best friend will not run away.
This post is not to offend any person, but a post to show the difference between “loving” and “clinging”. There are some people who are clingy by choice, I am sure you guys know how to deal with it.
Let us know your thoughts and suggestions in the comment section below. If you like this post, share it with your dear and near ones.
Have a nice day.