Hello my netizens,
Have you ever been into a relationship where you feel that there is nothing which is going right. I mean, you know you love that person, you have put all the efforts that is possible for you, but something isn’t just clicking in the relationship… You may have no doubt about the genuine feeling you two share but you don’t feel that love is being reciprocated. You can’t call it a healthy partnership, rather you often feel empty inside.
Yes, It’s possible to truly love each other but feeling unloved in a relationship, because you do not speak same love languages.
So, let me introduce the concept of “love language” which I recently discovered. We know communicating effectively is the key of any healthy relationship. However, depending on our individual personality types, we might feel the emotion named love pretty differently, than our partners. So, you need to understand your and your loved one’s primary love language to treat them accordingly.
I got to know about this crazy concept from the popular bestselling book named ” The five love languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman, who have more than 30 years of experience in marriage and relationship counseling. I downloaded the pdf and read the book. I learned so much from it and it really helped me to think and set my expectations with all my relationships. So, here I want to share those tips and explain it with my own words.
The book claims that there are five love languages. Each person have one primary and secondary love language. The love languages describe the way one feels and express love to others. These are:
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Receiving gifts
- Quality time
- Physical touch
According to the book, taking time to learn and really understand the other person’s primary love language strengthen the bond.
As an example, suppose your native language is Spanish. You speak in Spanish in your home, with your family, they understand you. But in your job you need to speak in English with your colleagues, since they would understand and prefer to communicate via English. Now if you’re sent to China, you need to use Chinese, your other two languages would not be effective to communicate properly. The language of love also acts same and help you to communicate in a better manner uprooting any barrier, where the recipient is able to understand the act of love. These not only applies to a couple, but includes any relationship such as parents, siblings, friends etc.
1. Word of affirmation:
In this type, your words mean a lot to the other person and your words build love to your partner. As they say ” it’s only words, and words are all I have to take your heart away” perfectly fits in this kind of love language.
Any kinda verbal compliment , encouragement, appreciation or simplest words of affirmation can be most effective to satisfy your partners emotions and lift their spirits. It means a world to them.
“This colour looks soo good on you” , “You always make me laugh, I can never be angry on you”,
“I loved the way your hair looks today”, these shortest and simplest words can make their day.
Don’t think that, they already know this why do I need to tell them and act filmy? Cause this is the way to express your love, it shows that you are actively and constantly thinking about them.
On a personal note , I would never get bored hearing the magical words ” I love you” or the reason behind it, hundred times every day.
2. Acts of service:
In this case, action speaks louder than the words. People who speaks in this language express their love by doing things for their loved ones. They might never care to tell you how much you mean to them, as well as they can spent days with out getting any compliments or encouragement and feel completely okay. They feel most loved when their loved one does something for them, like cooking a meal, running errands, doing laundry, emptying the dustbin. These actions express love and brings happiness to them.
Personally, I can relate to this with someone very close, my father. I can never make my father happy by sending gifts or hugs. However, when I finish any work given by him, work on improving my schedule, waking up in the morning to have a walk, writings an email for him, making a dish makes him extra happy instantly proud of me.
3. Receiving gifts:
For some people, receiving a gift is their primary love language. This doesn’t have to be materialistic or costly.
In this case a person thrives on the thoughtfulness and effort behind the gift. A special way for giving a perfect gift or arranging a surprise for the person shows you care for those moments or special days and went out of your way to bring a smile for your partner.
The value of these gifts are unmatchable and you would always see how that person will keep it carefully and preserve it for long, not use it until it’s needed.
4. Quality time:
This language, is all about giving undivided attention to your partner, paying attention and sharing something meaningful together. It is about really being there in that moment, without your phone , TV or any other distractions. Don’t be mistaken, Netflix and chill or grocery shopping list discussion does not count in it.
It means you need to make sure to allocate a time together in a day specially for your partner. It helps them to feel comfortable and breathe easier in the relationship.
I have heard many a times couples complaining ” he/she doesn’t even bothered to sit down with me about the situation”. It simply means they lack for a quality time together. They need attention from their partners with a meaningful conversation.
5. Physical touch:
Physical touch or contact is most important to some to understand the the feeling of love. People look for any kind of physical contact, necessarily not looking for sex. Hugs, pat’s on the back, holding hands, are the ways to show care, love and concern. This physical presence and accessibility is crucial for them. It can calm, heal or assure a person. Just like a baby getting calm, when it’s mother touches him and embrace in his lap, a physical touch can reassure that your partner understands and care for you.
According to Dr. Chapman, the list of five love languages is all exhaustive. If you want to know about your own primary love language, you can check it from the link: www.5lovelanguages.com and take the quiz to discover yourself or your partner better.
I stumbled upon a quote earlier ” Just because somebody doesn’t love you the way you want them to do, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have”. Reflecting to it, I realized things would have been LOT better if we understand each others love language to communicate effectively, understand the root of the conflicts and grow closer
Two people in a relationship can be very different. Their expectations are different, needs are divergent, and ways to communicate can be contrasting.
But loving a person is a choice which requires constant effort. Not everyone express their love in same way, being aware of the different love languages can make you better equipped in any relation and you can figure out where you went wrong. Your act of love will be better received, if you speak in a language , your partner understands and feel loved.
Hope you find it interesting. Do try the quiz and let me know if you have discovered something new.
Say Hello to love! 😊🤗
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